WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a powerful statement, RFK Jr was sworn in as the next Secretary of Health and Human Services Thursday on a raw 32-ounce ribeye.
Sources say that instead of the traditional Bible, the new HHS Secretary used an organic, grass-fed, grass-finished ribeye, left totally uncooked so as to preserve the nutritional value.
"I need the American people to know how serious I am about health," Kennedy said prior to the solemn ceremony. "Most Bibles these days have fake leather covers that contain preservatives and dyes that could absorb into my skin and give me cancer. There's nothing safer and more healthy than a raw piece of delicious beef."
Historians say this is the first time a government official has been sworn in on a piece of meat since William Howard Taft swore his oath on a porterhouse steak slathered in gravy in 1909.
"It's time to make America healthy again, and it starts now," an emotional Kennedy said as his wife looked on in admiration.
"He always does this," said actress and fellow meat enthusiast Cheryl Hines. "He proposed with a prime rib."
Trump was reportedly impressed by Kennedy's resolve, but noted with disappointment that the steak was not well done with a side of ketchup.
https://babylonbee.com/news/rfk-jr-solemnly-sworn-in-as-hhs-secretary-with-hand-on-raw-32-ounce-ribeye
No comments:
Post a Comment