U.S. — Thousands of migrant farm workers have headed up to the northern United States in anticipation of Democrats' ballot harvesting season.
"It's going to be a bumper crop," said Democrat strategist John Cain of Philadelphia. "So many ballots to harvest, and so few harvesters."
According to farmworkers, the ballot harvesting operation dovetails nicely with the end of the busiest time for farms. "We're going to need all the harvesters we can get. Whether you've been picking corn, apples, or berries, it's time to make the switch to ballots," said Cain. "It's the easiest harvest you'll ever work. We've got millions of fresh, delicious ballots just waiting to be harvested."
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The migrants have headed up north by the thousands, drawn by the promise of steady work and great benefits. "Not only do I get paid, they're saying they will wipe my former identity so my work will be completely untraceable," said Venezuelan gang member Mauricio Ayala. "What a deal!"
At publishing time, Democrats had reported a record crop of beautiful blue ballots just waiting to be hand-picked.
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